What does it mean to be salt of the earth and light of the world? 13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if salt loses its taste, with what can it be seasoned? It is no longer good for anything but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. 14 You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lampstand, where it gives light to all in the house. 16 Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father.
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Now I can see that I have been helped to WANT to become magnanimous! Generous and forgiving... yes! At the same time I am generous enough to myself to see this is my life’s work. It is a step forward to want it as my foundation. To want it as my intention. To want it as my response to GOD’s overwhelming and ongoing outpouring of love.
And now the exercises have been set in context. And they all matter to me personally as part of building (working on) my Foundation.
My biggest sin in my eyes is Sloth.
In God’s eyes is Lack of Hope and Trust
And upstream....fear. Fear of failing...fear of being judged. And more. It is a pretty long stream.
It was good, but it was hard to think about all 4 aspects of sin that Fr. Mark asked:
1. My sin, the one that bothers me the most.
2. What sin bothers God the most.
3. What are my sins of omission?
4. The root of my sinfulness.
The interiority of the examination of my soul is not unfamiliar to me. Each time I go there, I uncover more. I have looked past some sins, denied them, swept them under the rug. I have justified some and sent then downstream like the babies in Fr. Mark's parable.
Then there are those that I could not see because of the youthful lense I looked through. Spiritual vision moves counter-directional to biological vision. When we are young, our biological vision is sharp. As we age and mature, it gets dimmer and diminishes in clarity. Spiritual vision is opposite. When we are young,our vision is limited. As we age and mature, we see what we could not see in our youth.
The root of them all, however, is the same. Pride. Self-sufficiency. Not allowing God to care for me.
How slow I am to learn.
Let me illustrate a story
Dad takes his son, James, upstairs to sleep
First he tells James story and then they pray together
At the end of the prayer, Dad says: Prayer is about talking with Jesus
, let’s listen for Jesus to say something
Dad and son are silent
After some silence, dad asks James, Did Jesus say anything to you.
James said “Yes”
Dad is surprised
James what did Jesus say to you
James said “Jesus is sad”
Dad is surprised and asks - why is Jesus sad?
Jesus is sad because I am afraid
So often, in the Bible, We hear “Fear not”.
Yet too often I am afraid.
As I reflect upon my sins of omission
I wonder whether I miss opportunities for the spirit to be fruitful in me-love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
I particularly wonder whether I miss opportunities to be more joyful and thankful
I remember and celebrate what God has done for us, then I might have joy that I cannot contain…